Style & Culture

Mad Max

Wed Oct 23 2013 16:14:43 GMT+0000 (Coordinated Universal Time)

Five reasons why Priuses suck... hilarious!!

1. Ostentatious
Alright, full disclosure: I drive an entry level BMW sedan that cost me little more than a fully loaded Honda Accord. Nothing too showy. And yet, I have had more than one Prius driver admonish me for driving something so "ostentatious". Prius driver's love that word, "ostentatious". They fling it like a monkey flings its poo at any car they deem too "white collar".

Well-- as someone who's awesome once said, "You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means." Something that is "ostentatious" is intended to attract attention and impress people. And if you looked up the word "hypocrite", you'd find a photo of a Prius driver. There are plenty of great looking hybrid cars out there, but only one that screams, "Look! Look at me! I'm in a hybrid, and therefore morally superior to you!" The Prius is easily the most smug car on the planet, let alone one of the most ostentatious.

In 2007, when a large survey asked, "Why did you purchase a Prius?" The majority of Prius owners answered, "It makes a statement about me." NOT, "Because it's good for the environment." NOT, "Because it saves money on gas." No-- they bought it for the image. "Ostentatious" indeed.

2. Environmentally & Economically Stupid
I'm not going to try to claim that a Hummer H3 is more economical than a Prius. Sure there was a study done, but the method of achieving those results was asinine. No. Priuses are green, I agree. That said, I've heard far too many Prius owners claim they bought their car because it's the *greenest* car on the road. There’s only one problem with that. Priuses aren’t the greenest car on the road.

Generally speaking, the greenest car on the road a well-maintained *used* car. Why? Because most of the pollution a car generates over its lifetime is created during the process of actually making the car. By purchasing a used car, the pollution generated by the car’s construction is on the shoulders of the individual who bought it new. The last time I checked, there was a waiting list for new Priuses. Environmentally conscious indeed.

But fine, let’s say that’s a technicality. You want a new car. Alright... Priuses still aren’t the greenest car. In 2011, the ACEEE ranked the Prius as the fourth greenest car available. The Smart Car, with it’s non-hybrid, internal combustion engine ranked third. The Nissan Leaf came in second. The greenest car currently on the road is the Honda Civic GX, which is powered by natural gas. The Prius is green. Heck it's very green. But it's not *the greenest* car. It's only the greenest hybrid... and hybrids have a problem, their battery.

It’s going to be fun in a few years when I get to edit this list and discuss the millions of used hybrid and electric car batteries we'll be trying to dispose of. If you want to think long term when buying a green car, go get yourself a used Smart Car or a Honda Civic GX.

As far as economics go, the Honda Civic GX is the same price as a Prius, and it’s greener. Even better-- Smart Car’s sell for less than $15,000 and they’re also greener. Even if you just buy a normal used Honda Civic, it'll take Prius drivers years before they recoup the added expense of purchasing a hybrid.

3. Prii
"Prii" (pronounced pree-eye). That is the correct plural form of the word, "Prius".

Why do I refuse to use it? Because along with everything else involving this asinine car, it’s smothered with a big, heaping pile of self-satisfied smugness. You never hear anyone just say, "Prii". What they actually say is, "Prii", then follow it up after the awkward silence with, "Yes, that’s the correct word."

Good for you, dingus. How nice of you to make everyone else in the room feel dumb. Good to know your sense of superiority doesn't diminish when you get out of your car. I use "Priuses", even though it's wrong, because unlike you I’m not desperate to prove I’m the smartest person in the room.

4. Ugly
Could there be a car on the road designed to be more unattractive?

It's not that the car is horrible to look at; there of plenty of cars that could beat the Prius in that department. It's the sense you get that the Prius was *intentionally* designed to look that way (hideous) in order to distance itself from all of those "ostentatious" beautiful cars Prius drivers hate so much. At least with most ugly cars you can tell the designers at least tried to make it pretty... they just failed. Prius owners will try to tell you that it's just a nice unassuming car. No-- sorry. This isn't a case of wearing your favorite pair of jeans. This is the automotive equivalent of intentionally wearing rags to a black-tie ball so you can feel morally superior to all of those phonies who showed up in tuxedos and gowns. It's just more of that Prius Driver brand of unwarranted self-superiority.

5. Forces you to drive like a Jerk
What's the first rule of driving? "Keep your eyes on the road." And what do Prius drivers do? Stare at their MPG. In any car, that's dangerous. And while you could argue that this problem is true for anyone who drives a hybrid, Prius drivers in particular seem to be *obsessed* with it. As the show "Top Gear" proved, when driven normally, Priuses get worse mileage than an M3. To really get that "Prius" level of MPG you have to drive like a putz, accelerating slower than the flow of traffic, and braking more while going downhill. In a nutshell, Prius drivers cruise at a speed based on their MPG instead of the average pace of the cars around them. In other words, Prius drivers typically drive like self-absorbed jerks.

Say what you want about Ferraris and Porsches, but unless you're in a movie, when they're surrounded by traffic they drive at the same speed as everyone else. They're forced to, otherwise they'd be the first to be pulled over. It's the Prius drivers who drive like they own the road, not the wealthy in their sports cars. Yet another issue heaped upon us by the self-importance of the "morally superior" Prius owner. No thanks. I'll talk a Smart Car please.

Mother Trucker

Wed Oct 23 2013 19:02:25 GMT+0000 (Coordinated Universal Time)

Haha, that's how I like to see a Prius!