Mercedes E63 AMG Super Wagon. Behold the Unicorn, that mythical and magical four-legged beast of European folklore so adored and revered for its rarity, purity and grace. Legend has it that this exotic, equine-like creature with its pointy, spiraling horn, could only be captured by a virgin maiden and never tamed. Ladies, who were, shall we say, economical with the truth, were skewered by that horn!

While it’s been some time since the last recorded unicorn sighting - I think Lindsay Lohan was once snapped riding one down Hollywood Boulevard by TMZ - there is a modern day version of this fantastical filly. It’s called the Mercedes-Benz E63 AMG Wagon. Like the Unicorn, chances are you’ll never actually see one in captivity. You can’t walk into a Mercedes showroom and take a test drive; they’re only available by very special order and only delivered after the handing over of $92,400 together with your first-born!

Yet they do exist, and for a few brief, fleeting days, I held the keys to a snowy-white example that, just like the wild and horny Unicorn, kicked and snorted and refused to be tamed.

Here is the five-door wagon version of Mercedes’ blunt instrument E63 AMG sedan. These days Americans love wagons as much as a root canal, preferring instead the lofty, high command driving position and over-sized footprint of an SUV.

They just don’t know what they’re missing. For here is the perfect melding of searing-hot sports sedan and versatile, carryall wagon. It’s powered by a weapons-grade 5.5-liter twin-turbo V8 - hand-crafted by the power-meisters at AMG - that spews out a massive 518 horsepower and 516 pound-feet of torque.

Spend the extra $6,550 - and why the heck wouldn’t you - on the optional AMG Performance Pack and power output soars to a monstrous 550 horsepower and 590 pound-feet of torque. To put that into some kind of perspective, a Lamborghini Gallardo offers a piffling 513 ponies!

What this translates into is Exocet missile-like performance. Floor it from standstill and this asphalt-hugging family-hauler will lunge to 60 mph in an unthinkable 3.9 seconds, and probably do so in the length of the average Starbucks drive-through. Don’t lift and the speedo will kiss its 186-mph marker! Ooooh and what a soundtrack this beast plays. It’s a deep, throbby, Guns ’n Roses-like bellow amp’d through a quartet of shiny, ‘squarcle’ tailpipes. Think Godzilla gargling with roofing nails and you’ll get the picture.


Want to impress your kids when you pick them up from school? Hit the ‘Race Start Mode’ on the center console, keep your left foot hard on the brake, floor the throttle, then step off the brake. The rear tires will light up like Catherine Wheels (pinwheel fireworks) on the Fourth of July, engulfing the car in acrid smoke before depositing two huge tramlines of black rubber. Juvenile, I know. Devilishly entertaining? You bet!

There’s a seven-speed AMG automatic to take care of shifting, with beautifully crafted metal paddle shifters for do-it-yourself gear swaps. Select Sport or Sport+ and the gears hold on longer and the revs go higher. And boy is this fun through the twisties. The steering feels meaty and precise and I love the salami-thick wheel with its racecar-style, squared-off lower section. With three different suspension settings, you can pick from comfy, no-roll sporty, or let’s-head-to-the-track firm.

Inside the “63” is a masterpiece of Teutonic cool with lashings of taut black leather, brushed metal and high-tech carbon fiber. And front seats don’t come better than these - I love the power side bolsters that boost side support during hard cornering.

At the press of a button the tailgate powers skywards - albeit rather leisurely - doing a neat party trick of raising the load area cover with it. And the load space is vast and practically proportioned with nice square sides. And the rear seats are split and easily fold flat to double the amount of load space. A 42-inch flat screen slides in no problem. Trust me, you don’t need any towering SUV.

At this week’s Detroit auto show, Mercedes will pull the silk off a face-lifted E- Class sedan which should land in U.S. showrooms this spring. But a new E wagon won’t land ‘till the end of the year, and an AMG version is probably 18 months to a couple of years away.

So until then, this current version could well be my idea of the perfect car. Compact yet spacious, versatile, practical, stylish, and obscenely powerful. And, of course, as rare as that horny Unicorn!